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As you get older you're told to be sensible, but it's important for writing if you're a comic that you're able to still access that childlike thing.

Tim Vine

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Tim Vine
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 4
Actor
Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
Timothy Mark Vine
Punslinger
Thing
Access
Older
Told
Stills
Still
Able
Childlike
Important
Sensible
Writing
Comic

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My friend told me he was going to a fancy-dress party as an Italian island. I said: 'Don’t be Sicily’.
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This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, I want you to trace someone for me.
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I'll tell you what makes my blood boil?... Crematoriums.
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I took part in the sun-tanning Olympics – I just got bronze.
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My mate asked me What do you think of voluntary work? I said I wouldn't do it if you paid me.
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So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'
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Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.
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I went to the doctor. I said to him I'm frightened of lapels. He said, You've got cholera.
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Velcro: what a rip-off.
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You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
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You know, I'm not very good at magic - I can only do half of a trick. Yes - I'm a member of the Magic Semi-circle.
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I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End...'
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Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.
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So I was getting into my car and this bloke says to me, 'Can you give me a lift?' I said, 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it!'
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People think that because of my act that I must have a really busy mind and I must be driven. I really am not. I quite like going outside and looking at spiders on a hedge in my garden and stuff.
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So I went down the local supermarket, I said I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it, he said Those are pickled onions.
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