Quote

My friend told me he was going to a fancy-dress party as an Italian island. I said: 'Don’t be Sicily’.

Tim Vine

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Tim Vine
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 4
Actor
Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
Timothy Mark Vine
Punslinger
Friend
Told
Sicily
Party
Island
Going
Italian
Islands
Fancy
Dress
Dresses

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I went into a shop and I said, Can someone sell me a kettle. The bloke said Kenwood I said, Where is he?
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Black beauty - he's a dark horse.
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I'm not someone who gets to play The O2 and places like that, but that's the kind of rock and roll venue. The popularity of stand-up means that some people are getting to play rock star venues.
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So I went down the local supermarket, I said I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it, he said Those are pickled onions.
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So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'
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So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.
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