Quote

People think that because of my act that I must have a really busy mind and I must be driven. I really am not. I quite like going outside and looking at spiders on a hedge in my garden and stuff.

Tim Vine

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Tim Vine
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 4
Actor
Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
Timothy Mark Vine
Punslinger
Thinking
Quite
Like
Looking
People
Stuff
Hedge
Must
Spiders
Going
Driven
Mind
Busy
Really
Garden
Think
Outside

More quotes by Tim Vine

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So I was getting into my car and this bloke says to me, 'Can you give me a lift?' I said, 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it!'
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I'm not someone who gets to play The O2 and places like that, but that's the kind of rock and roll venue. The popularity of stand-up means that some people are getting to play rock star venues.
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Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.
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If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.
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Black beauty - he's a dark horse.
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So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'
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So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.'
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As you get older you're told to be sensible, but it's important for writing if you're a comic that you're able to still access that childlike thing.
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You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
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So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'
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My friend told me he was going to a fancy-dress party as an Italian island. I said: 'Don’t be Sicily’.
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Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.
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So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.
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People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway.
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I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.
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I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.
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I took part in the sun-tanning Olympics – I just got bronze.
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I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.
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Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.
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My house is a bit like a teenager's bedroom. The kind of pictures you have hanging up on your wall say a lot about you. I've got ones of Evel Knievel, Elvis and Starsky and Hutch, signed by David Soul.
Tim Vine