Quote

People think that because of my act that I must have a really busy mind and I must be driven. I really am not. I quite like going outside and looking at spiders on a hedge in my garden and stuff.

Tim Vine

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Tim Vine
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 4
Actor
Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
Timothy Mark Vine
Punslinger
People
Stuff
Hedge
Must
Spiders
Going
Driven
Mind
Busy
Really
Garden
Think
Outside
Thinking
Quite
Like
Looking

More quotes by Tim Vine

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So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.'
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Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.
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I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.
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So I was getting into my car and this bloke says to me, 'Can you give me a lift?' I said, 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it!'
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I went into a shop and I said, Can someone sell me a kettle. The bloke said Kenwood I said, Where is he?
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As you get older you're told to be sensible, but it's important for writing if you're a comic that you're able to still access that childlike thing.
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People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway.
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Believe it or not, there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people.
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Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.
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I'm not someone who gets to play The O2 and places like that, but that's the kind of rock and roll venue. The popularity of stand-up means that some people are getting to play rock star venues.
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My friend told me he was going to a fancy-dress party as an Italian island. I said: 'Don’t be Sicily’.
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For one thing, I don’t pun excessively in real life.
Tim Vine
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You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
Tim Vine
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I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End...'
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Conjunctivitis.com — that’s a site for sore eyes.
Tim Vine
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I'll tell you what makes my blood boil?... Crematoriums.
Tim Vine
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This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, I want you to trace someone for me.
Tim Vine
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Black beauty - he's a dark horse.
Tim Vine
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One-armed butlers, they can take it but they can't dish it out
Tim Vine
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If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.
Tim Vine