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People think that because of my act that I must have a really busy mind and I must be driven. I really am not. I quite like going outside and looking at spiders on a hedge in my garden and stuff.
Tim Vine
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Tim Vine
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 4
Actor
Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
Timothy Mark Vine
Punslinger
Think
Outside
Thinking
Quite
Like
Looking
People
Stuff
Hedge
Must
Spiders
Going
Driven
Mind
Busy
Really
Garden
More quotes by Tim Vine
For one thing, I don’t pun excessively in real life.
Tim Vine
Black beauty - he's a dark horse.
Tim Vine
One-armed butlers, they can take it but they can't dish it out
Tim Vine
As you get older you're told to be sensible, but it's important for writing if you're a comic that you're able to still access that childlike thing.
Tim Vine
Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.
Tim Vine
Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.
Tim Vine
People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway.
Tim Vine
If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.
Tim Vine
So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'
Tim Vine
I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.
Tim Vine
Velcro: what a rip-off.
Tim Vine
I took part in the sun-tanning Olympics – I just got bronze.
Tim Vine
This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, I want you to trace someone for me.
Tim Vine
My mate asked me What do you think of voluntary work? I said I wouldn't do it if you paid me.
Tim Vine
So I went down the local supermarket, I said I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it, he said Those are pickled onions.
Tim Vine
You know, I'm not very good at magic - I can only do half of a trick. Yes - I'm a member of the Magic Semi-circle.
Tim Vine
So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.'
Tim Vine
I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining standing in front of all these people. Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum.
Tim Vine
So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.
Tim Vine
So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said Analogue. I said No, just a watch.
Tim Vine