Quote

People think that because of my act that I must have a really busy mind and I must be driven. I really am not. I quite like going outside and looking at spiders on a hedge in my garden and stuff.

Tim Vine

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Tim Vine
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 4
Actor
Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
Timothy Mark Vine
Punslinger
People
Stuff
Hedge
Must
Spiders
Going
Driven
Mind
Busy
Really
Garden
Think
Outside
Thinking
Quite
Like
Looking

More quotes by Tim Vine

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Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.
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So I went down the local supermarket, I said I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it, he said Those are pickled onions.
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I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End...'
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I'll tell you what makes my blood boil?... Crematoriums.
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One-armed butlers, they can take it but they can't dish it out
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You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
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So I was getting into my car and this bloke says to me, 'Can you give me a lift?' I said, 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it!'
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This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, I want you to trace someone for me.
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Conjunctivitis.com — that’s a site for sore eyes.
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Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.
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So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.
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You know, I'm not very good at magic - I can only do half of a trick. Yes - I'm a member of the Magic Semi-circle.
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Believe it or not, there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people.
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I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.
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So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'
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Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.
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Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds.
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I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining standing in front of all these people. Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum.
Tim Vine
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My mate asked me What do you think of voluntary work? I said I wouldn't do it if you paid me.
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For one thing, I don’t pun excessively in real life.
Tim Vine