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I'm not someone who gets to play The O2 and places like that, but that's the kind of rock and roll venue. The popularity of stand-up means that some people are getting to play rock star venues.

Tim Vine

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Tim Vine
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 4
Actor
Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
Timothy Mark Vine
Punslinger
Mean
Rocks
Kind
Gets
Venue
Like
Stand
Venues
People
Stars
Popularity
Getting
Roll
Means
Star
Someone
Rock
Play
Places

More quotes by Tim Vine

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This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, I want you to trace someone for me.
Tim Vine
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You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
Tim Vine
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Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.
Tim Vine
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I'll tell you what makes my blood boil?... Crematoriums.
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Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds.
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Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.
Tim Vine
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So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'
Tim Vine
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I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.
Tim Vine
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Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.
Tim Vine
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My house is a bit like a teenager's bedroom. The kind of pictures you have hanging up on your wall say a lot about you. I've got ones of Evel Knievel, Elvis and Starsky and Hutch, signed by David Soul.
Tim Vine
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You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.
Tim Vine
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I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.
Tim Vine
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So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy an ice-cream'. He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start with one.' He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'
Tim Vine
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So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said Analogue. I said No, just a watch.
Tim Vine
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Black beauty - he's a dark horse.
Tim Vine
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So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'
Tim Vine
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People think that because of my act that I must have a really busy mind and I must be driven. I really am not. I quite like going outside and looking at spiders on a hedge in my garden and stuff.
Tim Vine
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So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.
Tim Vine
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Believe it or not, there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people.
Tim Vine
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I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.
Tim Vine