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Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.

Tim Vine

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Tim Vine
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 4
Actor
Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
Timothy Mark Vine
Punslinger
Anyone
Talk
Styles
Else
Covers
Different
Qualified
Really
Range
Wide
Style
Comedy

More quotes by Tim Vine

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Conjunctivitis.com — that’s a site for sore eyes.
Tim Vine
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You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.
Tim Vine
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You know, I'm not very good at magic - I can only do half of a trick. Yes - I'm a member of the Magic Semi-circle.
Tim Vine
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If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.
Tim Vine
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My mate asked me What do you think of voluntary work? I said I wouldn't do it if you paid me.
Tim Vine
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Black beauty - he's a dark horse.
Tim Vine
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So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.
Tim Vine
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This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, I want you to trace someone for me.
Tim Vine
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My house is a bit like a teenager's bedroom. The kind of pictures you have hanging up on your wall say a lot about you. I've got ones of Evel Knievel, Elvis and Starsky and Hutch, signed by David Soul.
Tim Vine
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I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.
Tim Vine
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So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy an ice-cream'. He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start with one.' He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'
Tim Vine
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Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.
Tim Vine
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Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds.
Tim Vine
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So I went down the local supermarket, I said I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it, he said Those are pickled onions.
Tim Vine
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For one thing, I don’t pun excessively in real life.
Tim Vine
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As you get older you're told to be sensible, but it's important for writing if you're a comic that you're able to still access that childlike thing.
Tim Vine
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Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.
Tim Vine
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People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway.
Tim Vine
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I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End...'
Tim Vine
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One-armed butlers, they can take it but they can't dish it out
Tim Vine