Quote

Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.

Tim Vine

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Tim Vine
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 4
Actor
Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
Timothy Mark Vine
Punslinger
Style
Comedy
Anyone
Talk
Styles
Else
Covers
Different
Qualified
Really
Range
Wide

More quotes by Tim Vine

Image
I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.
Tim Vine
Image
You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
Tim Vine
Image
As you get older you're told to be sensible, but it's important for writing if you're a comic that you're able to still access that childlike thing.
Tim Vine
Image
So I went down the local supermarket, I said I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it, he said Those are pickled onions.
Tim Vine
Image
So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said Analogue. I said No, just a watch.
Tim Vine
Image
I went into a shop and I said, Can someone sell me a kettle. The bloke said Kenwood I said, Where is he?
Tim Vine
Image
Velcro: what a rip-off.
Tim Vine
Image
I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining standing in front of all these people. Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum.
Tim Vine
Image
So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.'
Tim Vine
Image
This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, I want you to trace someone for me.
Tim Vine
Image
So I was getting into my car and this bloke says to me, 'Can you give me a lift?' I said, 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it!'
Tim Vine
Image
Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.
Tim Vine
Image
Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.
Tim Vine
Image
So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy an ice-cream'. He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start with one.' He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'
Tim Vine
Image
So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'
Tim Vine
Image
People think that because of my act that I must have a really busy mind and I must be driven. I really am not. I quite like going outside and looking at spiders on a hedge in my garden and stuff.
Tim Vine
Image
My mate asked me What do you think of voluntary work? I said I wouldn't do it if you paid me.
Tim Vine
Image
I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.
Tim Vine
Image
Black beauty - he's a dark horse.
Tim Vine
Image
I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.
Tim Vine