Quote

Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds.

Tim Vine

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Tim Vine
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 4
Actor
Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
Timothy Mark Vine
Punslinger
Tricks
Blow
Couple
Candles
Trick
Candle
Seconds

More quotes by Tim Vine

Image
I'm not someone who gets to play The O2 and places like that, but that's the kind of rock and roll venue. The popularity of stand-up means that some people are getting to play rock star venues.
Tim Vine
Image
Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.
Tim Vine
Image
I took part in the sun-tanning Olympics – I just got bronze.
Tim Vine
Image
This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, I want you to trace someone for me.
Tim Vine
Image
Believe it or not, there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people.
Tim Vine
Image
I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.
Tim Vine
Image
I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.
Tim Vine
Image
If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.
Tim Vine
Image
So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said Analogue. I said No, just a watch.
Tim Vine
Image
My mate asked me What do you think of voluntary work? I said I wouldn't do it if you paid me.
Tim Vine
Image
So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.
Tim Vine
Image
People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway.
Tim Vine
Image
I went into a shop and I said, Can someone sell me a kettle. The bloke said Kenwood I said, Where is he?
Tim Vine
Image
I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.
Tim Vine
Image
You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
Tim Vine
Image
You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.
Tim Vine
Image
Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.
Tim Vine
Image
I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining standing in front of all these people. Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum.
Tim Vine
Image
I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End...'
Tim Vine
Image
I'll tell you what makes my blood boil?... Crematoriums.
Tim Vine