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So I was getting into my car and this bloke says to me, 'Can you give me a lift?' I said, 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it!'
Tim Vine
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Tim Vine
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 4
Actor
Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
Timothy Mark Vine
Punslinger
Getting
Vines
Funny
Lift
Give
Lifts
Look
Car
Looks
Humor
Bloke
Giving
Says
Blokes
Great
Comedy
Oyster
World
Sure
Oysters
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Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.
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My friend told me he was going to a fancy-dress party as an Italian island. I said: 'Don’t be Sicily’.
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I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining standing in front of all these people. Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum.
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Believe it or not, there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people.
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My mate asked me What do you think of voluntary work? I said I wouldn't do it if you paid me.
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I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.
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So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.
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