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If it doesn't say Binford on it, somebody else probably made it.
Tim Allen
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Tim Allen
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: June 13
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Racing Automobile Driver
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Denver
Colorado
Timothy Alan Dick
Somebody
Probably
Doesn
Else
Made
More quotes by Tim Allen
The ego is like a kid in the basement: It's best to keep him busy.
Tim Allen
Jill : What causes sibling rivalry? Tim : Having more than one kid!
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My comedy is not mine. It's a gift. I'm not that smart.
Tim Allen
When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite.
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Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
Tim Allen
When you're 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.
Tim Allen
There are flaws in the way politics is reported in this country today and we should do something about it, .. Radio and television coverage of politics doesn't see its role as a mission to explain, but to destroy, in a pernicious culture in which journalists pit themselves against politicians.
Tim Allen
I'm one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
Tim Allen
Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
Tim Allen
Men often do things for women that they don't want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don't want to do.
Tim Allen
Now the denominator ... why don't they just call it the bottom number? The denominator ... that sounds like a Schwarzenegger movie doesn't it? [impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger] I am the Denominator. I'll give your leg a compound fraction!
Tim Allen
I think there's a percentage [of the audience] that don't realize, that don't know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It's more of a ... it's not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
Tim Allen
But separate a man from his car - that's inhuman.
Tim Allen
To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise.
Tim Allen
Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
Tim Allen
I may go back and spice it up with a little bit of the tool stuff and grunting and all that that I know so well. But it feels like I'm rehashing old material. And some of my audiences like that. So I'm there to entertain. I'm not there to make a political statement or anything like that. I'm there to entertain.
Tim Allen
As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
Tim Allen
Dog's listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
Tim Allen
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
Tim Allen
Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
Tim Allen
