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I like Pixie Sticks. Yeah, screw the middle man. Just a tube of sugar... I'd pour two of those in a big 12 ounce coke. And I'd go out to catechism class and try to concentrate on the priest. I saw Jesus several times. I swear I did.

Tim Allen

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Tim Allen
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: June 13
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Racing Automobile Driver
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Denver
Colorado
Timothy Alan Dick
Like
Middle
Concentrate
Tube
Class
Swear
Ounce
Jesus
Priests
Tubes
Times
Sugar
Coke
Bigs
Several
Screw
Two
Sticks
Pour
Pixie
Trying
Yeah
Priest
Pixies
Men
Saws
Screws
Catechism

More quotes by Tim Allen

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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
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I'm one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
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If it doesn't say Binford on it, somebody else probably made it.
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Dog's listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
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A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad's car. I don't blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don't have many memories of my dad. The love of cars is all I have of him, really.
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I may go back and spice it up with a little bit of the tool stuff and grunting and all that that I know so well. But it feels like I'm rehashing old material. And some of my audiences like that. So I'm there to entertain. I'm not there to make a political statement or anything like that. I'm there to entertain.
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There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
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Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
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Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas - where it's a beautiful theater - is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
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The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
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I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it's one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they're going to want something from me I can't give, or they're going to hurt me.
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I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would've stepped in - six kids, five of them boys - and that's heroic.
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Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
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To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise.
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But separate a man from his car - that's inhuman.
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
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