Quote

Boys can be disgusting. You can't leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We're just obnoxious.

Tim Allen

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Tim Allen
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: June 13
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Racing Automobile Driver
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Denver
Colorado
Timothy Alan Dick
Paint
Boys
Leave
Alone
Obnoxious
Something
Disgusting
Time
Burn
Length
Blow

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I'm one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
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Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.
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I do a lot of family shows.
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If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.
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But separate a man from his car - that's inhuman.
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Before Kady was born, I didn't think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It's best to keep him busy.
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My comedy is not mine. It's a gift. I'm not that smart.
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There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
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Dog's listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
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Now the denominator ... why don't they just call it the bottom number? The denominator ... that sounds like a Schwarzenegger movie doesn't it? [impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger] I am the Denominator. I'll give your leg a compound fraction!
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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I like Pixie Sticks. Yeah, screw the middle man. Just a tube of sugar... I'd pour two of those in a big 12 ounce coke. And I'd go out to catechism class and try to concentrate on the priest. I saw Jesus several times. I swear I did.
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I think there's a percentage [of the audience] that don't realize, that don't know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It's more of a ... it's not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
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I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that's a good thing.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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Nothing's as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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