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Men aren't men until they can get to Sears by themselves.

Tim Allen

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Tim Allen
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: June 13
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Racing Automobile Driver
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Denver
Colorado
Timothy Alan Dick
Men
Sears
Aren

More quotes by Tim Allen

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Now the denominator ... why don't they just call it the bottom number? The denominator ... that sounds like a Schwarzenegger movie doesn't it? [impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger] I am the Denominator. I'll give your leg a compound fraction!
Tim Allen
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Nothing's as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
Tim Allen
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The people that hunt are the guys that really vehemently protect the environment. You find that people that live on ranches tend to want to keep it that way, and I've always loved that about the hunters that I've known. They eat what they kill, and they carry it out. They don't shoot for sport.
Tim Allen
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If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you've made, let's be fair, that means you've got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you've done. It's okay to say, God, I wish I'd done this yeah, but I did do that. Then it kind of balances out.
Tim Allen
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
Tim Allen
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I like Pixie Sticks. Yeah, screw the middle man. Just a tube of sugar... I'd pour two of those in a big 12 ounce coke. And I'd go out to catechism class and try to concentrate on the priest. I saw Jesus several times. I swear I did.
Tim Allen
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I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.
Tim Allen
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I may go back and spice it up with a little bit of the tool stuff and grunting and all that that I know so well. But it feels like I'm rehashing old material. And some of my audiences like that. So I'm there to entertain. I'm not there to make a political statement or anything like that. I'm there to entertain.
Tim Allen
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I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I've never gotten over it.
Tim Allen
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Can a woodchuck chuck wood? Because the question is, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if, so you haven't established or proved without any shadow of a doubt that a woodchuck could chuck wood. Frankly, I believe that they chew wood. I don't think they can chuck wood at all! I take offense to the whole chucking question.
Tim Allen
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I do a lot of family shows.
Tim Allen
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I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it's one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they're going to want something from me I can't give, or they're going to hurt me.
Tim Allen
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I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
Tim Allen
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
Tim Allen
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A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad's car. I don't blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don't have many memories of my dad. The love of cars is all I have of him, really.
Tim Allen
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But separate a man from his car - that's inhuman.
Tim Allen
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Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
Tim Allen
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Before Kady was born, I didn't think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
Tim Allen
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would've stepped in - six kids, five of them boys - and that's heroic.
Tim Allen
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Boys can be disgusting. You can't leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We're just obnoxious.
Tim Allen