Quote

I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it's one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they're going to want something from me I can't give, or they're going to hurt me.

Tim Allen

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Tim Allen
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: June 13
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Racing Automobile Driver
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Denver
Colorado
Timothy Alan Dick
Giving
Hurt
Going
Maybe
Something
Audience
Time
Easy
Running
Away
Give
Loving
Wanted
Somebody

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I'm a very bad student, but a great learner.
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I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
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If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you've made, let's be fair, that means you've got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you've done. It's okay to say, God, I wish I'd done this yeah, but I did do that. Then it kind of balances out.
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Men often do things for women that they don't want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don't want to do.
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Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
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I may go back and spice it up with a little bit of the tool stuff and grunting and all that that I know so well. But it feels like I'm rehashing old material. And some of my audiences like that. So I'm there to entertain. I'm not there to make a political statement or anything like that. I'm there to entertain.
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
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I like Pixie Sticks. Yeah, screw the middle man. Just a tube of sugar... I'd pour two of those in a big 12 ounce coke. And I'd go out to catechism class and try to concentrate on the priest. I saw Jesus several times. I swear I did.
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The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas - where it's a beautiful theater - is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
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When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite.
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Now the denominator ... why don't they just call it the bottom number? The denominator ... that sounds like a Schwarzenegger movie doesn't it? [impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger] I am the Denominator. I'll give your leg a compound fraction!
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When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine - this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
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To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise.
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If it doesn't say Binford on it, somebody else probably made it.
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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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My dad's death reminds me of earthquakes - things that shake your foundation.
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would've stepped in - six kids, five of them boys - and that's heroic.
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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It's best to keep him busy.
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