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I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I've never gotten over it.

Tim Allen

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Tim Allen
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: June 13
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Racing Automobile Driver
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Denver
Colorado
Timothy Alan Dick
Never
Irrational
Gotten
Fears
Losing
Father
Kids
Back

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When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite.
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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
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Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.
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Boys can be disgusting. You can't leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We're just obnoxious.
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I'm a very bad student, but a great learner.
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Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, And let there be aluminum siding. Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree's on a golf course, all the better.
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But separate a man from his car - that's inhuman.
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I think there's a percentage [of the audience] that don't realize, that don't know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It's more of a ... it's not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
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If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.
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The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas - where it's a beautiful theater - is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would've stepped in - six kids, five of them boys - and that's heroic.
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Before Kady was born, I didn't think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
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My comedy is not mine. It's a gift. I'm not that smart.
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If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you've made, let's be fair, that means you've got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you've done. It's okay to say, God, I wish I'd done this yeah, but I did do that. Then it kind of balances out.
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My dad's death reminds me of earthquakes - things that shake your foundation.
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There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
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Jill : What causes sibling rivalry? Tim : Having more than one kid!
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Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
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