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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?

Tim Allen

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Tim Allen
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: June 13
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Racing Automobile Driver
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Denver
Colorado
Timothy Alan Dick
Flight
Direct
Reality
Change
Back
Take
Denver
Planes

More quotes by Tim Allen

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If it doesn't say Binford on it, somebody else probably made it.
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I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.
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I have a thing for tools.
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If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.
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I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that's a good thing.
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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
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Boys can be disgusting. You can't leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We're just obnoxious.
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Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
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When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine - this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
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I'm a very bad student, but a great learner.
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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
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If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you've made, let's be fair, that means you've got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you've done. It's okay to say, God, I wish I'd done this yeah, but I did do that. Then it kind of balances out.
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I may go back and spice it up with a little bit of the tool stuff and grunting and all that that I know so well. But it feels like I'm rehashing old material. And some of my audiences like that. So I'm there to entertain. I'm not there to make a political statement or anything like that. I'm there to entertain.
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Jill : What causes sibling rivalry? Tim : Having more than one kid!
Tim Allen
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise.
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Can a woodchuck chuck wood? Because the question is, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if, so you haven't established or proved without any shadow of a doubt that a woodchuck could chuck wood. Frankly, I believe that they chew wood. I don't think they can chuck wood at all! I take offense to the whole chucking question.
Tim Allen
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My dad's death reminds me of earthquakes - things that shake your foundation.
Tim Allen
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Men aren't men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
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