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Before Kady was born, I didn't think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.

Tim Allen

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Tim Allen
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: June 13
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Racing Automobile Driver
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Denver
Colorado
Timothy Alan Dick
Would
Funny
Humorous
Time
Bigs
Baby
Think
Born
Deal
Thinking
Next
Humor
Didn
Deals
Kids
Attitude
Closet
Play
Nice
Closets
Children
Simple
Babies

More quotes by Tim Allen

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I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I've never gotten over it.
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I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it's one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they're going to want something from me I can't give, or they're going to hurt me.
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I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that's a good thing.
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A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad's car. I don't blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don't have many memories of my dad. The love of cars is all I have of him, really.
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I like Pixie Sticks. Yeah, screw the middle man. Just a tube of sugar... I'd pour two of those in a big 12 ounce coke. And I'd go out to catechism class and try to concentrate on the priest. I saw Jesus several times. I swear I did.
Tim Allen
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If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you've made, let's be fair, that means you've got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you've done. It's okay to say, God, I wish I'd done this yeah, but I did do that. Then it kind of balances out.
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Men often do things for women that they don't want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don't want to do.
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Jill : What causes sibling rivalry? Tim : Having more than one kid!
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
Tim Allen
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I have a thing for tools.
Tim Allen
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I think there's a percentage [of the audience] that don't realize, that don't know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It's more of a ... it's not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
Tim Allen
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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It's best to keep him busy.
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Boys can be disgusting. You can't leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We're just obnoxious.
Tim Allen
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would've stepped in - six kids, five of them boys - and that's heroic.
Tim Allen
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Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
Tim Allen
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The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
Tim Allen
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I do a lot of family shows.
Tim Allen
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My comedy is not mine. It's a gift. I'm not that smart.
Tim Allen
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There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
Tim Allen
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
Tim Allen