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The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas - where it's a beautiful theater - is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
Tim Allen
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Tim Allen
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: June 13
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Racing Automobile Driver
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Denver
Colorado
Timothy Alan Dick
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Venetian
Beautiful
Theater
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Many
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Lighting
Even
Playing
Vegas
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Dress
More quotes by Tim Allen
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
Tim Allen
I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it's one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they're going to want something from me I can't give, or they're going to hurt me.
Tim Allen
I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I've never gotten over it.
Tim Allen
I like Pixie Sticks. Yeah, screw the middle man. Just a tube of sugar... I'd pour two of those in a big 12 ounce coke. And I'd go out to catechism class and try to concentrate on the priest. I saw Jesus several times. I swear I did.
Tim Allen
Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
Tim Allen
I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
Tim Allen
I do a lot of family shows.
Tim Allen
I'm one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
Tim Allen
Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
Tim Allen
I may go back and spice it up with a little bit of the tool stuff and grunting and all that that I know so well. But it feels like I'm rehashing old material. And some of my audiences like that. So I'm there to entertain. I'm not there to make a political statement or anything like that. I'm there to entertain.
Tim Allen
Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
Tim Allen
I think there's a percentage [of the audience] that don't realize, that don't know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It's more of a ... it's not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
Tim Allen
Men aren't men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
Tim Allen
But separate a man from his car - that's inhuman.
Tim Allen
Can a woodchuck chuck wood? Because the question is, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if, so you haven't established or proved without any shadow of a doubt that a woodchuck could chuck wood. Frankly, I believe that they chew wood. I don't think they can chuck wood at all! I take offense to the whole chucking question.
Tim Allen
If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you've made, let's be fair, that means you've got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you've done. It's okay to say, God, I wish I'd done this yeah, but I did do that. Then it kind of balances out.
Tim Allen
Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, And let there be aluminum siding. Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree's on a golf course, all the better.
Tim Allen
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
Tim Allen
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
Tim Allen
Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
Tim Allen