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Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
Tim Allen
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Tim Allen
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: June 13
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Racing Automobile Driver
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Denver
Colorado
Timothy Alan Dick
Pigs
Comedy
Everything
Men
More quotes by Tim Allen
Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
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I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
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I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it's one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they're going to want something from me I can't give, or they're going to hurt me.
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Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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I do a lot of family shows.
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To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise.
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Now the denominator ... why don't they just call it the bottom number? The denominator ... that sounds like a Schwarzenegger movie doesn't it? [impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger] I am the Denominator. I'll give your leg a compound fraction!
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Men often do things for women that they don't want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don't want to do.
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Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
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I have a thing for tools.
Tim Allen
Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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Jill : What causes sibling rivalry? Tim : Having more than one kid!
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Nothing's as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that's a good thing.
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I'm a very bad student, but a great learner.
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My comedy is not mine. It's a gift. I'm not that smart.
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Men aren't men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
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I think there's a percentage [of the audience] that don't realize, that don't know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It's more of a ... it's not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
Tim Allen