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Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.

Tim Allen

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Tim Allen
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: June 13
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Racing Automobile Driver
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Denver
Colorado
Timothy Alan Dick
Pigs
Comedy
Everything
Men

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My stepfather stepped in where no man would've stepped in - six kids, five of them boys - and that's heroic.
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If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you've made, let's be fair, that means you've got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you've done. It's okay to say, God, I wish I'd done this yeah, but I did do that. Then it kind of balances out.
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When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine - this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
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To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise.
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The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas - where it's a beautiful theater - is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
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Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
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But separate a man from his car - that's inhuman.
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Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
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There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
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The people that hunt are the guys that really vehemently protect the environment. You find that people that live on ranches tend to want to keep it that way, and I've always loved that about the hunters that I've known. They eat what they kill, and they carry it out. They don't shoot for sport.
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I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I've never gotten over it.
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I like Pixie Sticks. Yeah, screw the middle man. Just a tube of sugar... I'd pour two of those in a big 12 ounce coke. And I'd go out to catechism class and try to concentrate on the priest. I saw Jesus several times. I swear I did.
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I do a lot of family shows.
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Can a woodchuck chuck wood? Because the question is, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if, so you haven't established or proved without any shadow of a doubt that a woodchuck could chuck wood. Frankly, I believe that they chew wood. I don't think they can chuck wood at all! I take offense to the whole chucking question.
Tim Allen
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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It's best to keep him busy.
Tim Allen
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
Tim Allen
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My comedy is not mine. It's a gift. I'm not that smart.
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Nothing's as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
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