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Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.

Tim Allen

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Tim Allen
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: June 13
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Racing Automobile Driver
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Denver
Colorado
Timothy Alan Dick
Comedy
Everything
Men
Pigs

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A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad's car. I don't blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don't have many memories of my dad. The love of cars is all I have of him, really.
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
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I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I've never gotten over it.
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Dog's listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
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Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise.
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
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I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
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If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you've made, let's be fair, that means you've got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you've done. It's okay to say, God, I wish I'd done this yeah, but I did do that. Then it kind of balances out.
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Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
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Men aren't men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
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Men often do things for women that they don't want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don't want to do.
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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
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There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
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Can a woodchuck chuck wood? Because the question is, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if, so you haven't established or proved without any shadow of a doubt that a woodchuck could chuck wood. Frankly, I believe that they chew wood. I don't think they can chuck wood at all! I take offense to the whole chucking question.
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I'm one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
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When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite.
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