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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

Tim Allen

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Tim Allen
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: June 13
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Racing Automobile Driver
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Denver
Colorado
Timothy Alan Dick
Women
Stations
Sometimes
Cars
Like
Dating
Pickup
Witty
Wagon
Car
Wagons
Comedy
Ferrari
Funny
Station
Ends
Truck

More quotes by Tim Allen

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If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.
Tim Allen
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Dog's listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
Tim Allen
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Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
Tim Allen
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Can a woodchuck chuck wood? Because the question is, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if, so you haven't established or proved without any shadow of a doubt that a woodchuck could chuck wood. Frankly, I believe that they chew wood. I don't think they can chuck wood at all! I take offense to the whole chucking question.
Tim Allen
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The people that hunt are the guys that really vehemently protect the environment. You find that people that live on ranches tend to want to keep it that way, and I've always loved that about the hunters that I've known. They eat what they kill, and they carry it out. They don't shoot for sport.
Tim Allen
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I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I've never gotten over it.
Tim Allen
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My dad's death reminds me of earthquakes - things that shake your foundation.
Tim Allen
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I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that's a good thing.
Tim Allen
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Now the denominator ... why don't they just call it the bottom number? The denominator ... that sounds like a Schwarzenegger movie doesn't it? [impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger] I am the Denominator. I'll give your leg a compound fraction!
Tim Allen
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The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
Tim Allen
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If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you've made, let's be fair, that means you've got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you've done. It's okay to say, God, I wish I'd done this yeah, but I did do that. Then it kind of balances out.
Tim Allen
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Nothing's as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
Tim Allen
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
Tim Allen
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My comedy is not mine. It's a gift. I'm not that smart.
Tim Allen
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Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
Tim Allen
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Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.
Tim Allen
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I may go back and spice it up with a little bit of the tool stuff and grunting and all that that I know so well. But it feels like I'm rehashing old material. And some of my audiences like that. So I'm there to entertain. I'm not there to make a political statement or anything like that. I'm there to entertain.
Tim Allen
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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It's best to keep him busy.
Tim Allen
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
Tim Allen
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To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise.
Tim Allen