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Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
Tim Allen
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Tim Allen
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: June 13
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Racing Automobile Driver
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Denver
Colorado
Timothy Alan Dick
Positive
Lying
Funny
Algebra
Two
Liar
Make
Liars
Good
Figure
Men
Figures
Lies
More quotes by Tim Allen
Nothing's as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
Tim Allen
I'm a very bad student, but a great learner.
Tim Allen
I think there's a percentage [of the audience] that don't realize, that don't know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It's more of a ... it's not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
Tim Allen
I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.
Tim Allen
Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
Tim Allen
Boys can be disgusting. You can't leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We're just obnoxious.
Tim Allen
If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.
Tim Allen
In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
Tim Allen
I'm one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
Tim Allen
The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas - where it's a beautiful theater - is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
Tim Allen
Men often do things for women that they don't want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don't want to do.
Tim Allen
I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
Tim Allen
When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine - this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
Tim Allen
Can a woodchuck chuck wood? Because the question is, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if, so you haven't established or proved without any shadow of a doubt that a woodchuck could chuck wood. Frankly, I believe that they chew wood. I don't think they can chuck wood at all! I take offense to the whole chucking question.
Tim Allen
As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
Tim Allen
I do a lot of family shows.
Tim Allen
The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
Tim Allen
When you're 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.
Tim Allen
I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it's one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they're going to want something from me I can't give, or they're going to hurt me.
Tim Allen
Dog's listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
Tim Allen