Quote

Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

Tim Allen

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Tim Allen
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: June 13
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Racing Automobile Driver
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Denver
Colorado
Timothy Alan Dick
Men
Figures
Lies
Positive
Lying
Funny
Algebra
Two
Liar
Make
Liars
Good
Figure

More quotes by Tim Allen

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Can a woodchuck chuck wood? Because the question is, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if, so you haven't established or proved without any shadow of a doubt that a woodchuck could chuck wood. Frankly, I believe that they chew wood. I don't think they can chuck wood at all! I take offense to the whole chucking question.
Tim Allen
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Men aren't men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
Tim Allen
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I may go back and spice it up with a little bit of the tool stuff and grunting and all that that I know so well. But it feels like I'm rehashing old material. And some of my audiences like that. So I'm there to entertain. I'm not there to make a political statement or anything like that. I'm there to entertain.
Tim Allen
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I have a thing for tools.
Tim Allen
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Jill : What causes sibling rivalry? Tim : Having more than one kid!
Tim Allen
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Boys can be disgusting. You can't leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We're just obnoxious.
Tim Allen
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My comedy is not mine. It's a gift. I'm not that smart.
Tim Allen
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The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas - where it's a beautiful theater - is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
Tim Allen
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Before Kady was born, I didn't think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
Tim Allen
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
Tim Allen
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Now the denominator ... why don't they just call it the bottom number? The denominator ... that sounds like a Schwarzenegger movie doesn't it? [impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger] I am the Denominator. I'll give your leg a compound fraction!
Tim Allen
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The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
Tim Allen
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I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.
Tim Allen
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When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite.
Tim Allen
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I do a lot of family shows.
Tim Allen
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
Tim Allen
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Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.
Tim Allen
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would've stepped in - six kids, five of them boys - and that's heroic.
Tim Allen
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Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
Tim Allen
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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
Tim Allen