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When I couldn't get ahold of cigarettes, I'd roll coffee grounds into typing paper and smoke that and then vomit.

Tig Notaro

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Tig Notaro
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: March 24
Comedian
Director
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Writer
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Jackson
Mississippi
Cigarette
Roll
Smoke
Coffee
Ahold
Couldn
Vomit
Paper
Typing
Cigarettes
Grounds

More quotes by Tig Notaro

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The ideal length of time for sex to last is the entire relationship, breaking only for snacks.
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When I got sick, it threw everything off course.
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I can't imagine just dusting my pants off and going about my life like, Phew! I sure made it through a tough spot, now where am I headed? I feel more of an obligation to be helpful.
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I hold back parts of my life and experiences... I don't want to share anything just for the sake of sharing and exposing myself, but if something feels right and I feel inspired by the situations or moment I'll definitely share it. There are so many stories and experiences I have not shared, and I don't feel compelled to.
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When anything huge happens to me, I always think, this isn't my moment, this is a moment.
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I talk about airplanes and things like that while my scars are on clear view.
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In movies, you just see somebody close their eyes, and you go on to the next scene.
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I love devastating movies, documentaries and hummingbirds (yes, in that order).
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It's not the child's responsibility to teach the parent who they are. It's the parent's responsibility to learn who the child is.
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I'm always going to do whatever I think is funniest. If something's dark, I'll do it. If it's a sock puppet, if it's a stool, I'll do it.
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I think my brain just has a natural way of going to what would be the most insane thing, the least likely option.
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Everything's happened to me. Nothing can happen to me now.
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I didn't know what my fate was as far as being alive.
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As soon as I say I'm from Texas people say, Oh, I'm sure the school was horrible and they picture me wearing some barrel and suspenders and people are bucktoothed and ignoring me. But that's not the case. I just had zero interest. I wanted to finish my research in the woods or play guitar or go have a cigarette.
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I always wonder, aside from even my name, what if my parents never split up? What if my mother never died? It swirls in my head all the time.
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I didn't know whether I'd be attractive to anybody.
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In standup, you don't have anything near you except a microphone.
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When I announced I had cancer on stage, it was my brain leaping to that insane moment of, There's no way I could start a show saying, 'Hi, I have cancer!' And also for me to have these scars, and then think, Oh my gosh, what if I did stand-up and not even acknowledge that my shirt was off, or that I have scars.
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I didn't have an interest in school at all and was getting in trouble all the time.
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I love drama - I would say more than I even love comedy - but I like in One Mississippi that I can go from a very moving moment to a Willy Wonka tube up my ass. I like the silliness as much as I like drama.
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