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The 'New Testament', now, I quite liked. Jesus had a lot of good things to say, and as for his father, he must have been highly thought of by the community to work with wood - a material that couldn't have been widely available in Palestine.

Terry Pratchett

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Terry Pratchett
Age: 66 †
Born: 1948
Born: April 28
Died: 2015
Died: March 12
Author
Journalist
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Screenwriter
Writer
Beaconsfield
Buckinghamshire
Terence David John Terry Pratchett
Terence David John Pratchett
Sir Terry Pratchett
Sir Terence David John Pratchett
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Materials
Palestine
Good
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More quotes by Terry Pratchett

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I must have read every issue of 'Punch' published in the 20th century, and I think in the process I picked up the true voice of English humour - that amiable, fairly liberal, laconic voice which you find in something like 'Three Men in a Boat.'
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The conversation of human beings seldom interested him, but it crossed his mind that the males and females always got along best when neither actually listened fully to what the other one was saying.
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Correct observation followed by meticulous deduction and the precise visualization of goals is vital to the success of any enterprise.
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Previous generations understood about death, and undoubtedly would have seen a reasonable amount of death. Once you get into the Victorian era, you might well have seen the funerals of many of your siblings before you were very old.
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Death: Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know, that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom.
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First draft: let it run. Turn all the knobs up to 11. Second draft: hell. Cut it down and cut it into shape. Third draft: comb its nose and blow its hair. I usually find that most of the book will have handed itself to me on that first draft.
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If you kept changing the way people saw the world, you ended up changing the way you saw yourself.
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Just because things are obvious doesn't mean they're true.
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You couldn't say 'I had orders.' You couldn't say 'It's not fair.' No one was listening. There were no Words. You owned yourself. [...] Not 'Thou Shalt Not'. Say 'I Will Not'.
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If you don't turn your life into a story, you just become a part of someone else's story.
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After all, when you seek advice from someone it's certainly not because you want them to give it. You just want them to be there while you talk to yourself.
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No one remembers the singer. The song remains.
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You had to deal every day with people who were foolish and lazy and untruthful and downright unpleasant, and you could certainly end up thinking that the world would be considerably improved if you gave them a slap.
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My idea of a good novel was one you made enough money out of to buy a greenhouse.
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Zoology, eh? That's a big word, isn't it. No, actually it isn't, said Tiffany. Patronizing is a big word. Zoology is really quite short.
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Vampires have risen from the dead, the grave, and the crypt, but have never managed it from the cat.
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Bishops move diagonally. That's why they often turn up where the kings don't expect them to be.
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NAUGHTY AND NICE? said Death. BUT IT'S EASY TO BE NICE IF YOU'RE RICH. IS THIS FAIR? Albert wanted to argue. He wanted to say, Really? In that case, how come so many of the rich buggers is bastards? And being poor don't mean being naughty, neither.
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He sighed. It had come to this. He was a responsible authority, and people could use terms like core values at him with impunity.
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It seems that when you have cancer you are a brave battler against the disease, but when you have Alzheimer's you are an old fart. That's how people see you. It makes you feel quite alone.
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