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I once absent-mindedly ordered Three Mile Island dressing in a restaurant and, with great presence of mind, they brought Thousand Island Dressing and a bottle of chili sauce.

Terry Pratchett

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Terry Pratchett
Age: 66 †
Born: 1948
Born: April 28
Died: 2015
Died: March 12
Author
Journalist
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Screenwriter
Writer
Beaconsfield
Buckinghamshire
Terence David John Terry Pratchett
Terence David John Pratchett
Sir Terry Pratchett
Sir Terence David John Pratchett
Thousand
Restaurant
Chili
Three
Island
Dressings
Great
Bottles
Sauce
Mind
Islands
Mile
Restaurants
Ordered
Miles
Dressing
Presence
Bottle
Brought
Absent
Mindedly

More quotes by Terry Pratchett

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...'I thought the rule was that all monks were shaved.' 'Oh, Soto says he is bald under the hair,'said Lu Tze. 'He says the hair is a separate creature that just happens to live on him.
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First draft: let it run. Turn all the knobs up to 11. Second draft: hell. Cut it down and cut it into shape. Third draft: comb its nose and blow its hair. I usually find that most of the book will have handed itself to me on that first draft.
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My idea of a good novel was one you made enough money out of to buy a greenhouse.
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My advice is this. For Christ's sake, don't write a book that is suitable for a kid of 12 years old, because the kids who read who are 12 years old are reading books for adults. I read all of the James Bond books when I was about 11, which was approximately the right time to read James Bond books.
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I just rearrange words into a pleasing order for money.
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Either dragons should exist completely or fail to exist at all, he felt. A dragon only half-existing was worse than the extremes.
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Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.
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William: I'm sure we can all pull together, sir. Vetinari: Oh, I do hope not. Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions.
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Destiny is important, see, but people go wrong when they think it controls them. It's the other way around.
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It as true that normal people couldn't hear Gaspode speak, because dogs don't speak. It's a well know fact. ... Besides, almost all dogs don't talk. Ones that do are merely a statistical error, and can therefore be ignored.
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Perhaps it would be simpler if you just did what you're told and didn't try to understand things.
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I saved a man's life once, said Granny. Special medicine, twice a day. Boiled water with a bit of berry juice in it. Told him I'd bought it from the dwarves. That's the biggest part of doct'rin, really. Most people'll get over most things if they put their minds to it, you just have to give them an interest.
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It's not morbid to talk about death. Most people don't worry about death, they worry about a bad death.
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Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
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Either all days are holy or none are.
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If failure had no penalty success would not be a prize.
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There's a lot of science in it, and as Slartibartfast [in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy] said: 'I am a great fan of science, but I cannot do a quadratic equation.' I've never, ever been able to do one. I remember one occasion at Warwick University, when Jack and Ian were at their wits' end because I couldn't get it. I felt totally ashamed.
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Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.
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The Auditors fluttered anxiously. And, as always happens in their species when something goes radically wrong and needs fixing instantly, they settled down to try to work how who was to blame.
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I used to think that I was stupid, and then I met philosophers.
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