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You can't find a hermit to teach you herming, because of course that rather spoils the whole thing.

Terry Pratchett

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Terry Pratchett
Age: 66 †
Born: 1948
Born: April 28
Died: 2015
Died: March 12
Author
Journalist
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Screenwriter
Writer
Beaconsfield
Buckinghamshire
Terence David John Terry Pratchett
Terence David John Pratchett
Sir Terry Pratchett
Sir Terence David John Pratchett
Rather
Find
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Spoils
Thing
Hermits
Spoil
Courses
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Teach

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Oh, come on. Revelation was a mushroom dream that belonged in the Apocrypha. The New Testament is basically about what happened when God got religion.
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I dare say that quite a few people have contemplated death for reasons that much later seemed to them to be quite minor.
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Look, that's why there's rules, understand? So that you think before you break 'em.
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The Battle of Koom Valley is the only one known to history where both sides ambushed each other.
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Contrary to popular belief and hope, people don't usually come running when they hear a scream. That's not how humans work. Humans look at other humans and say, 'Did you hear a scream?' because the first scream might have been you screaming inside your head, or a horse backfiring.
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After you've been working fairly intensively on a novel for six months you never want to see the damn thing again.
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Few things are hidden from a quiet child with good eyesight.
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All assassins had a full-length mirror in their rooms, because it would be a terrible insult to anyone to kill them when you were badly dressed.
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By the time you write the last page you have done half the book. The other half tends to get done in about five weeks I do several drafts, very, very furiously rewriting. I literally do more or less nothing else and I stick with it and go through it and I begin to hate it.
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Right! Right! You can get there! I can get there! You're a natural at counting to two! I'm a nat'ral at counting to two! If you can count to two, you can count to anything! If I can count to two, I can count to anything! And then the world is your mollusc! My mollusc! What's a mollusc?
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Needless to say, they refused to submit to the Empire, conducting such a persistent guerrilla war that the Romans gave up hope of conquering Scotland, and the Wee Free Men remained both wee and free.
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When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man I put away childish things because. wow, then I could afford much *better* childish things!
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The book is not completely written until someone else has read it.
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It's a sword. said the Hogfather. They're not meant to be safe.
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The people who really run organizations are usually found several levels down, where it is still possible to get things done.
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But the helmet had gold decoration, and the bespoke armorers had made a new gleaming breastplate with useless gold ornamentation on it. Sam Vimes felt like a class traitor every time he wore it. He hated being thought of as one of those people that wore stupid ornamental armor. It was gilt by association.
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I can't stand any music that requires its singers to be so dumb they wear their baseball caps backwards.
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Cats will amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw.
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But, in truth, it had not exactly been gold, or even the promise of gold, but more like the fantasy of gold, the fairy dream that the gold is there, at the end of the rainbow, and will continue to be there forever - provided, naturally, that you don't go and look. This is known as finance.
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The key to winning, as always, was looking as if you had every right, nay, duty to be where you were. It helped if you could also suggest in every line of your body that no one else had any rights to be doing anything, anywhere, whatsoever.
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