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This looks like a job for inadvisably applied magic if ever I saw one.

Terry Pratchett

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Terry Pratchett
Age: 66 †
Born: 1948
Born: April 28
Died: 2015
Died: March 12
Author
Journalist
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Screenwriter
Writer
Beaconsfield
Buckinghamshire
Terence David John Terry Pratchett
Terence David John Pratchett
Sir Terry Pratchett
Sir Terence David John Pratchett
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Applied
Saws
Magic
Jobs
Ever
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More quotes by Terry Pratchett

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Verence would rather cut his own leg off than put a witch in prison, since it'd save trouble in the long run and probably be less painful.
Terry Pratchett
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What was the point of education, he thought, if people went out afterward and used it?
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And we don't often get any wading birds in the River Ankh, mainly because the pollution would eat their legs away and anyway, it's easier for them to walk on the surface.
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I know loads of coppers and dealt with them a lot when I was a journalist - coppers are easy to write for they tend to run on rails.
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The Auditors fluttered anxiously. And, as always happens in their species when something goes radically wrong and needs fixing instantly, they settled down to try to work how who was to blame.
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I never said nothing... I know you never! I could hear you not saying anything! You've got the loudest silences I ever did hear from anyone who wasn't dead!
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Gods prefer simple, vicious games, where you Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight To Oblivion a key to the understanding of all religion is that a god's idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.
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I have no fear of death whatsoever. I suspect that few people do, what they all fear is what might happen in the years or months before death.
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You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.
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You are very clever, said the old man shyly. I would like to eat your brains, one day.
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When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend.
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Natural selection saw to it that professional heroes who at a crucial moment tended to ask themselves questions like 'What is my purpose in life?' very quickly lacked both.
Terry Pratchett
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Never f*!k with the ineffable.
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Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.
Terry Pratchett
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I would advise budding writers some other kind of job, unless they think they're very, very lucky.
Terry Pratchett
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When you stand between two mirrors you're spread out among the images, your whole soul is pulled out thin, and somewhere in the distant images a dark part of you might get out and come looking for you, if you aren't careful.
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Adventure! People talked about the idea as if it were something worthwhile, rather than a mess of bad food, no sleep and strange people inexplicably trying to stick pointed objects in bits of you.
Terry Pratchett
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You can think and you can fight, but the world's always movin', and if you wanna stay ahead you gotta dance.
Terry Pratchett
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People's whole lives do pass in front of their eye before they die. The process is called Living.
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A bad hunter chases. A good hunter waits.
Terry Pratchett