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Mr Lipwig, there's a lady in the hall to see you and we've thanked her for not smoking three times and she's still doing it!

Terry Pratchett

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Terry Pratchett
Age: 66 †
Born: 1948
Born: April 28
Died: 2015
Died: March 12
Author
Journalist
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Screenwriter
Writer
Beaconsfield
Buckinghamshire
Terence David John Terry Pratchett
Terence David John Pratchett
Sir Terry Pratchett
Sir Terence David John Pratchett
Still
Thanked
Hall
Halls
Smoking
Lady
Times
Three
Stills

More quotes by Terry Pratchett

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The rising sun managed to peek around the vast column of smoke that forever rose from Ankh-Morpork, City of Cities, illustrating almost up to the edge of space that smoke means progress or, at least, people setting fire to things.
Terry Pratchett
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Often I sort of work up and down the manuscript. I sometimes used to go ahead of myself to see what was going to happen next, to make certain it fits what was going to be happening soon.
Terry Pratchett
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Perhaps the magic would last, perhaps it wouldn't. But then again, what does?
Terry Pratchett
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The point is that if a book that had been published three years ago started to sell twice as many all of a sudden it probably wouldn't even get no­ticed. People wouldn't be tracking it. The system has cleaned up its act an awful lot but the best-seller list system is not an entirely foolproof thing.
Terry Pratchett
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Fantasy doesn't have to be fantastic. American writers in particular find this much harder to grasp. You need to have your feet on the ground as much as your head in the clouds. The cute dragon that sits on your shoulder also craps all down your back, but this makes it more interesting because it gives it an added dimension.
Terry Pratchett
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The librarians were mysterious. It was said they could tell what book you needed just by looking at you, and they could take your voice away with a word.
Terry Pratchett
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The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.
Terry Pratchett
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Nanny Ogg never did any housework herself, but she was the cause of housework in other people.
Terry Pratchett
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ASTONISHING, said Death. REALLY ASTONISHING. LET ME PUT FORWARD ANOTHER SUGGESTION: THAT YOU ARE NOTHING MORE THAN A LUCKY SPECIES OF APE THAT IS TRYING TO UNDERSTAND THE COMPLEXITIES OF CREATION VIA A LANGUAGE THAT EVOLVED IN ORDER TO TELL ONE ANOTHER WHERE THE RIPE FRUIT WAS.
Terry Pratchett
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Cats will amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw.
Terry Pratchett
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Knowing things is magical, if other people don't know them.
Terry Pratchett
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Did I do anything last night that suggested I was sane?
Terry Pratchett
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You get all sorts of people in the library, and the librarian gets it all.
Terry Pratchett
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I intend, before the endgame looms, to die sitting in a chair in my own garden with a glass of brandy in my hand and Thomas Tallis on the iPod. Oh, and since this is England, I had better add, If wet, in the library. Who could say that this is bad?
Terry Pratchett
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I hate cats. Death's face became a little stiffer, if that were possible. The blue glow in his eye sockets flickered red for an instant. I SEE, he said. The tone suggested that death was too good for cat haters.
Terry Pratchett
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Fantasy is an exercise bicycle for the mind. It might not take you anywhere, but it tones up the muscles that can.
Terry Pratchett
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You just put that sword away, sir, please, said the voice of Lance-Constable Vimes. You will not shoot me, you young idiot. That would be murder, said the captain calmly. Not where I'm aiming, sir.
Terry Pratchett
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If I knew that I could die, I would live. My life, my death, my choice.
Terry Pratchett
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People think that stories are shaped by people. In fact, it's the other way around.
Terry Pratchett
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Either all days are holy or none are.
Terry Pratchett