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In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?

Terry Pratchett

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Terry Pratchett
Age: 66 †
Born: 1948
Born: April 28
Died: 2015
Died: March 12
Author
Journalist
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Screenwriter
Writer
Beaconsfield
Buckinghamshire
Terence David John Terry Pratchett
Terence David John Pratchett
Sir Terry Pratchett
Sir Terence David John Pratchett
Paid
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More quotes by Terry Pratchett

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It was octarine, the colour of magic. It was alive and glowing and vibrant and it was the undisputed pigment of the imagination, because wherever it appeared it was a sign that mere matter was a servant of the powers of the magical mind. It was enchantment itself. But Rincewind always thought it looked a sort of greenish-purple.
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Just because someone's a member of an ethnic minority doesn't mean they're not a nasty small-minded little jerk [...]
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Cats will amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw.
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That was the very centre of his genius - he invented things that anyone could have thought of, and men who can invent things that anyone could have thought of are very rare men.
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I thought unicorns were more . . . Fluffy.
Terry Pratchett
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Putting up a statue to someone who tried to stop a war is not very, um, statuesque. Of course, if you had butchered five hundred of your own men out of arrogant carelessness, we'd be melting the bronze already.
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There isn't a way things should be. There's just what happens, and what we do.
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I must have read every issue of 'Punch' published in the 20th century, and I think in the process I picked up the true voice of English humour - that amiable, fairly liberal, laconic voice which you find in something like 'Three Men in a Boat.'
Terry Pratchett
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All I am really promoting in the books is the Golden Rule, which I hope everybody knows to be do as you would be done by. It has one or 2 flaws, but it is a good soundbite. Evil starts when you treat other people as things. There are perhaps worse crimes, but they begin when you treat other people as things.
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You haven't really been anywhere until you've got back home.
Terry Pratchett
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It seems that when you have cancer you are a brave battler against the disease, but when you have Alzheimer's you are an old fart. That's how people see you. It makes you feel quite alone.
Terry Pratchett
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People couldn't become truly holy, he said, unless they also had the opportunity to be definitively wicked.
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Just because something is a metaphor doesn't mean it can't be real.
Terry Pratchett
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But I think you have a right to know what it is you’re not being told.
Terry Pratchett
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I thought it very strange, and very sad, that the fairy kingdom largely appears to be English. I thought it was time for some regional representation. And the Nac Mac Feegle are, well, they're like tiny little Scottish Smurfs who have seen Braveheart altogether too many times.
Terry Pratchett
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His parents called him Youngster. They did this in the subconcious hope that he might take the hint. Wensleydale gave the impression of having been born with a mental age of 47.
Terry Pratchett
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Colon has always thought that heroes had some special kind of clockwork that made them go out and die famously for god, country and apple pie, or whatever particular delicacy their mother made. It had never occurred to him that they might do it because they'd get yelled at if they didn't.
Terry Pratchett
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IT'S THE EXPRESSION ON THEIR LITTLE FACES I LIKE, said the Hogfather. You mean sort of fear and awe and not knowing whether to laugh or cry or wet their pants? YES. NOW THAT IS WHAT I CALL BELIEF.
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Go anywhere you wish, talk to everyone. Ask any questions you will be given answers. When you want to learn, you will be taught. Use the library. Open any book.
Terry Pratchett
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You call yourself some kind of goddess and you know nothing, madam, nothing. What don't die can't live. What don't live can't change. What don't change can't learn. The smallest creature that dies in the grass knows more than you.
Terry Pratchett