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In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?

Terry Pratchett

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Terry Pratchett
Age: 66 †
Born: 1948
Born: April 28
Died: 2015
Died: March 12
Author
Journalist
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Screenwriter
Writer
Beaconsfield
Buckinghamshire
Terence David John Terry Pratchett
Terence David John Pratchett
Sir Terry Pratchett
Sir Terence David John Pratchett
Paid
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More quotes by Terry Pratchett

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Monsters are getting more uppity, too (...) I heard where this guy, he killed this monster in this lake, no problem, stuck its arm up over the door (...) and you know what? Its mum come and complained. Its actual mum come right down to the hall next day and complained. Actually complained. That's the respect you get.
Terry Pratchett
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By the time you write the last page you have done half the book. The other half tends to get done in about five weeks I do several drafts, very, very furiously rewriting. I literally do more or less nothing else and I stick with it and go through it and I begin to hate it.
Terry Pratchett
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Nothing I can say or devise, and nothing anybody else can say or devise, is going to be perfect.
Terry Pratchett
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I'm up to my neck in the real world, every day. Just you try doing your VAT return with a head full of goblins.
Terry Pratchett
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A lot hinges on the fact that, in most circumstances, people are not allowed to hit you with a mallet. They put up all kinds of visible and invisible signs that say, 'Do not do this' in the hope that it'll work, but if it doesn't, then they shrug, because there is, really, no real mallet at all.
Terry Pratchett
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Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.
Terry Pratchett
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We have been so successful in the past century at the art of living longer and staying alive that we have forgotten how to die. Too often we learn the hard way. As soon as the baby boomers pass pensionable age, their lesson will be harsher still.
Terry Pratchett
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Be one of the crowd? It went against everything a wizard stood for, and a wizard would not stand for anything if he could sit down for it, but even sitting down, you had to stand out.
Terry Pratchett
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Well, the news has got around. The Duchess of Keepsake has invited us to a ball, Sir Henry and Lady Withering have invited us to a ball, and Lord and Lady Hangfinger have invited us to... yes, a ball. Well, that's a lot of... Don't you dare, Sam.
Terry Pratchett
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The gods of the Disc have never bothered much about judging the souls of the dead, and so people only go to hell if that's where they believe, in their deepest heart, that they deserve to go. Which they won't do if they don't know about it. This explains why it is so important to shoot missionaries on sight.
Terry Pratchett
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Colon has always thought that heroes had some special kind of clockwork that made them go out and die famously for god, country and apple pie, or whatever particular delicacy their mother made. It had never occurred to him that they might do it because they'd get yelled at if they didn't.
Terry Pratchett
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If you have let pride get the better of you, then you have already lost, but if you grab pride by the scruff of the neck and ride it like a stallion, then you may have already won.
Terry Pratchett
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But you ain't part of it, are you? said Granny conversationally. You try, but you always find yourself watchin' yourself watchin' people, eh? Never quite believin' anything? Thinkin' the wrong thoughts?
Terry Pratchett
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And no practical definition of freedom would be complete without the freedom to take the consequences. Indeed, it is the freedom upon which all the others are based.
Terry Pratchett
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There have been better attempts at marching, and they have been made by penguins.
Terry Pratchett
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Banana daiquiris aren't knock-'em-back-by-the-flagon.
Terry Pratchett
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Personal’s not the same as important. People just think it is.
Terry Pratchett
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Strength enough to build a home, Time enough to hold a child, Love enough to break a heart
Terry Pratchett
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Quit while you're a head, that's what I say.
Terry Pratchett
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She'd become a governess. It was one of the few jobs a known lady could do. And she'd taken to it well. She'd sworn that if she did indeed ever find herself dancing on rooftops with chimney sweeps she'd beat herself to death with her own umbrella.
Terry Pratchett