Quote

If there's a demand of being together in a certain way, those expectations and judgements take away from that space and create an edginess and a cramped-ness to the relationship.

Tara Brach

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Tara Brach
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: May 17
Peace Activist
Psychologist
Teacher
Take
Expectations
Way
Demand
Relationship
Create
Edginess
Space
Cramped
Away
Judgements
Certain
Ness
Together
Judgement

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In intimate relationships, if we start trying to be more real, it's very scary.
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There's healthy attachment, like with a mother and child. It's biologically part of our survival.
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Our greatest longing is to be intimate.
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By regarding ourselves with kindness, we begin to dissolve the identity of an isolated, deficient self. This creates the grounds for including others in an unconditionally loving heart.
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When we open to love, we become love.
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Through the sacred art of pausing, we develop the capacity to stop hiding, to stop running away from our experience. We begin to trust in our natural intelligence, in our naturally wise heart, in our capacity to open to whatever arises.
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Telling each other the truth and being who we are, and having space for the other person's vulnerability in being who they are, allows us to move in a kind of dance together that's very fluid and graceful.
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If I can forgive the attachment in myself and open to the vulnerability that's underneath it, then rather than fixating on another person to satisfy my need, I'm actually going right to where the needs come from and able to bring a real healing.
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Sometimes the easiest way to appreciate ourselves is by looking through the eyes of someone who loves us.
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We are waiting for the next moment to contain what this moment does not.
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Where desire ends up causing suffering is when it fixates.
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You can think of spiritual practice as a kind of spiritual re-parenting ... You're offering yourself the two qualities that make up good parenting: understanding - seeing yourself for who you truly are - and relating to what you see with unconditional love.
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I would say both Western psychology and Eastern paths would recognize that we get caught up in feeling like a separate self and an unworthy self.
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People have to find their rhythm. Some people have need for more contact and time together and some people need more space.
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Radical Acceptance is the willingness to experience ourselves and our lives as it is.
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That non-attachment gives us the freedom to be exactly who we are.
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Just come into stillness. Have your intention be to relax with the breath. That will begin to set in motion a habit that will start to train the mind.
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Unless we're completely awake, have a degree of that. We tense against love and hold on in a way that doesn't let it flow. When that's really strong, the key piece to freeing our hearts is self-compassion.
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Along with judging myself harshly, I'd also always seen the truth of goodness in me.
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When desire for a certain person's attention becomes an I have to have kind of grasping, then identity gets organized around needing that and it becomes very solid and sticky. That causes suffering because we're not inhabiting the fullness of who we are, we're fixated and contracted on life being a certain way.
Tara Brach