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Before there was anything, there was Lochan.

Tabitha Suzuma

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Tabitha Suzuma
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: January 1
Writer
London
England
Tabitha Sayo Victoria Anne Suzuma
Anything

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If I move, if I speak, if I so much as blink, I'm going to lose this battle.
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What else could he possibly have done? What choices did he ever have?
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Nothing can relieve the pain. Not crying, laughing, screaming, begging. Nothing can change the past.
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I would give anything to escape myself, Flynn thought, just for a day, just for a minute even. Just to know what it was like to think differently, to feel differently, and to not be me.
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Otherwise I'll fall apart. I'm going to fall apart. I am falling apart.
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I might appear confident and chatty, but I spend most of my time laughing at jokes I don't find funny, saying things I don't really mean - because at the end of the day that's what we're all trying to do: fit in, one way or another, desperately trying to pretend we're all the same.
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Do I realy regret that night? That one moment of joy beyond compare – some people never experience it in a lifetime. But the downside to that taste of pure happiness is that,like a drug, a glimmer of paradise, it leaves you craving more.
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I don't know when it started - this thing - bit it's growing, muffling me, suffocating me like poison ivy. I grew into it. It grew into me. We blurred at the edges, became an amorphous, seeping, crawling thing.
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Willa’s big blue eyes, Willa’s dimpled-cheeked smile. Tiffin’s shaggy blond mane, Tiffin’s cheeky grin. Kit’s yells of excitement, Kit’s glow of pride. Maya’s face, Maya’s kisses, Maya’s love. Maya, Maya, Maya . . .
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Trying to describe my life and feelings to you is like trying to describe coulours to the blind, or music to the deaf. It's simply not possible.
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He will think Lochan wasn't loved, but he was, more deeply than most people are in a lifetime.
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She can't just be a face, a body there has to be more than that, some kind of connection. And I can't connect, don't want to connect, with anyone.
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How-how can we make it against the whole world?
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At what point do you give up - decide enough is enough? There is only one answer really. Never.
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The sight of such aching beauty would infuse his soul with pain.
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He is my soul mate, my fresh air, the reason I look forward to getting up every morning.
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Even though I'm surrounded by pupils, there is the invisible screen screen between us, and behind the glass wall I am screaming - screaming in my own silence, screaming to be noticed, to be befriended, to be liked.
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I want to tell her that I can't pull her down. I want to tell her that she has to let go of my hand in order to swim. I want to tell her that she must live her own life. But I sense she already knows that these options are open to her. And that she, too, has made her choice.
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Get through today – you can fall apart tomorrow. Get through tomorrow, you can fall apart the day after . . .
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It's always nice being wanted. Even if it's by the wrong person.
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