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The moon, also, is merciless: she would drag me Cruelly, being barren. Her radiance scathes me. Or perhaps I have caught her.
Sylvia Plath
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Sylvia Plath
Age: 30 †
Born: 1932
Born: October 27
Died: 1963
Died: February 11
Autobiographer
Diarist
Essayist
Novelist
Poet
Writer
Boston
Massachusetts
Victoria Lucas
Sylvia Plath Hughes
Would
Barren
Drag
Cruelty
Caught
Moon
Perhaps
Cruelly
Light
Merciless
Also
Radiance
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Why do we electrocute men for murdering an individual and then pin a purple heart on them for mass slaughter of someone arbitrarily labeled “enemy?
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If only a group of people were more important to me than the idea of a Novel, I might begin a novel.
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I love life. But it is hard and I have so much, so very much to learn.
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I believe that one should be able to control and manipulate experiences, even the most terrifying, like madness, being tortured...with an informed and intelligent mind.
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...we shall board our imagined ship and wildly sail among sacred islands of the mad till death shatters the fabulous stars and makes us real.
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Whenever I'm sad I'm going to die, or so nervous I can't sleep, or in love with somebody I won't be seeing for a week, I slump down just so far and then I say: 'I'll go take a hot bath.
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I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am.
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For the few little successes I may seem to have, there are acres of misgivings and self-doubt.
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What horrifies me most is the idea of being useless: well-educated, brilliantly promising, and fading out into an indifferent middle age.
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I think I am worthwhile just because I have optical nerves and can try to put down what they perceive. What a fool!
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But life is long. And it is the long run that balances the short flare of interest and passion.
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The trouble was, I had been inadequate all along, I simply hadn't thought about it.
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It never occurred to me to say no.
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But when it came right down to it, the skin of my wrist looked so white and defenseless that I couldn't do it.
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A psychiatrist is the god of our age. But they cost money.
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I knew chemistry would be worse, because I'd seen a big card of the ninety-odd elements hung up in the chemistry lab, and all the perfectly good words like gold and silver and cobalt and aluminum were shortened to ugly abbreviations with different decimal numbers after them.
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I need more than anything right now what is, of course, most impossible, someone to love me, to be with me at night when I wake up in shuddering horror and fear of the cement tunnels leading down to the shock room, to comfort me with an assurance that no psychiatrist can quite manage to convey.
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Can you understand? Someone, somewhere, can you understand me a little, love me a little? For all my despair, for all my ideals, for all that - I love life. But it is hard, and I have so much - so very much to learn.
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I never feel so much myself as when I'm in a hot bath.
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I am dead to them, even though I once flowered.
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