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I do not know who I am tonight.

Sylvia Plath

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Sylvia Plath
Age: 30 †
Born: 1932
Born: October 27
Died: 1963
Died: February 11
Autobiographer
Diarist
Essayist
Novelist
Poet
Writer
Boston
Massachusetts
Victoria Lucas
Sylvia Plath Hughes
Tonight

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I hadn't, at the last moment, felt like washing off the two diagonal lines of dried blood that marked my cheeks. They seemed touching, and rather spectacular, and I thought I would carry them around with me, like the relic of a dead lover, till they wore off of their own accord.
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What I want back is what I was Before the bed, before the knife, Before the brooch-pin and the salve Fixed me in this parenthesis Horses fluent in the wind, A place, a time gone out of mind.
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She stared at her reflection in the glossed shop windows as if to make sure, moment by moment, that she continued to exist.
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The only reason I remembered this play was because it had a mad person in it, and everything I had ever read about mad people stuck in my mind, while everything else flew out.
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I am still raw. I say I may be back. You know what lies are for. Even in your Zen heaven we shan't meet.
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When you give someone your whole heart and he doesn't want it, you cannot take it back. It's gone forever.
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Every woman adores a Fascist, The boot in the face, the brute Brute heart of a brute like you.
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I felt dull and flat and full of shattered visions.
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The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.
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I may have made a straight A in physics, but I was panic-struck. Physics made me sick the whole time I learned it.
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I never feel so much myself as when I'm in a hot bath.
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And the danger is that in this move toward new horizons and far directions, that I may lose what I have now, and not find anything except loneliness
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Tomorrow is another day toward death.
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I lay in that tub on the seventeenth floor of this hotel for-women-only, high up over the jazz and push of New York, for near unto an hour, and I felt myself growing pure again. I don't believe in baptism or the waters of Jordan or anything like that, but I guess I feel about a hot bath the way those religious people feel about holy water.
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Secretly, in studies and attics and schoolrooms all over America, people must be writing.
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Now I am silent, hate Up to my neck, Thick, thick. I do not speak.
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I, to you, am lost in the gorgeous errors of flesh.
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I want to taste and glory in each day, and never be afraid to experience pain and never shut myself up in a numb core of nonfeeling, or stop questioning and criticizing life and take the easy way out. To learn and think: to think and live to live and learn: this always, with new insight, new understanding, and new love.
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I feel that very strongly: having been an academic, having been tempted by the invitation to stay on to become a Ph.D., a professor, and all that, one side of me certainly does respect all disciplines, as long as they don't ossify.
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