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I wanted to do everything once and for all and be through with it.
Sylvia Plath
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Sylvia Plath
Age: 30 †
Born: 1932
Born: October 27
Died: 1963
Died: February 11
Autobiographer
Diarist
Essayist
Novelist
Poet
Writer
Boston
Massachusetts
Victoria Lucas
Sylvia Plath Hughes
Wanted
Everything
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Don't let the wicked city get you down.
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The trouble was, I had been inadequate all along, I simply hadn't thought about it.
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I am sure there are things that can't be cured by a good bath but I can't think of one.
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What horrifies me most is the idea of being useless: well-educated, brilliantly promising, and fading out into an indifferent middle age.
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Talking about my fears to others feeds it.
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Dancing is the normal prelude to intercourse.
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And I am aware of my heart: it opens and closes Its bowl of red blooms out of sheer love of me.
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I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane. (I think I made you up inside my head.)
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It is awful to want to go away and to want to go nowhere.
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Beached under the spumy blooms, we lie Sea-sick and fever-dry.
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Love is a shadow. How you lie and cry after it
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Only I wasn't steering anything, not even myself.
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I lean to you, numb as a fossil. Tell me I'm here.
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No, I won't try to escape myself by losing myself in artificial chatter 'Did you have a nice vacation?' 'Oh, yes, and you?' I'll stay here and try to pin that loneliness down.
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I need the reality of other people, work, to fulfill myself. Must never become a mere mother and housewife.
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I never feel so much myself as when I'm in a hot bath.
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I felt dull and flat and full of shattered visions.
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I suppose if I gave myself the chance I could be an alcoholic.
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Doing all the little tricky things it takes to grow up, step by step, into an anxious and unsettling world.
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I must be lean & write & make worlds beside this to live in.
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