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I may have made a straight A in physics, but I was panic-struck. Physics made me sick the whole time I learned it.

Sylvia Plath

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Sylvia Plath
Age: 30 †
Born: 1932
Born: October 27
Died: 1963
Died: February 11
Autobiographer
Diarist
Essayist
Novelist
Poet
Writer
Boston
Massachusetts
Victoria Lucas
Sylvia Plath Hughes
Whole
Made
Struck
Time
Panic
Physics
Straight
Sick
Learned
May

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I wanted to do everything once and for all and be through with it.
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Outcast on a cold star, unable to feel anything but an awful helpless numbness. I look down into the warm, earthy world. Into a nest of lovers' beds, baby cribs, meal tables, all the solid commerce of life in this earth, and feel apart, enclosed in a wall of glass.
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I collected men with interesting names. I already knew a Socrates. He was tall and ugly and intellectual and the son of some big Greek movie producer in Hollywood, but also a Catholic, which ruined it for both of us.
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See, the darkness is leaking from the cracks. I cannot contain it. I cannot contain my life.
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August rain: the best of the summer gone, and the new fall not yet born. The odd uneven time.
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I was my own woman. The next step was to find the proper sort of man.
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Winter is for women The woman still at her knitting, At the cradle of Spanish walnut, Her body a bulb in the cold and too dumb to think.
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And I identify too closely with my reading, with my writing.
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Ash, ash —- You poke and stir. Flesh, bone, there is nothing there—— A cake of soap, A wedding ring, A gold filling. Herr God, Herr Lucifer Beware Beware. Out of the ash I rise with my red hair And I eat men like air.
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If I was going to fall, I would hang on to my small comforts, at least, for as long as I possibly could.
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I have been holding a dialogue with myself and girding myself to stand fast without running.
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I do not know who I am tonight.
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In this particular tub, two knees jut up like icebergs, while minute brown hairs rise on arms and legs in a fringe of kelp green soap navigates the tidal slosh of seas breaking on legendary beaches in faith we shall board our imagined ship and wildly sail among sacred islands of the mad till death shatters the fabulous stars and makes us real.
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I don’t care about anyone, and the feeling is quite obviously mutual.
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We stayed at home to write, to consolidate our outstretched selves.
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I deserve that, don't I, some sort of blazing love that I can live with.
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I am jealous of those who think more deeply, who write better, who draw better, who ski better, who look better, who live better, who love better than I.
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Why honey, don't you want to get dressed? My mother took care never to tell me to do anything. She would only reason with me sweetly, like one intelligent, mature person with another. It's almost three in the afternoon. I'm writing a novel, I said. I haven't got time to change into this and change into that.
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I know the bottom, she says. I know it with my great tap root: It is what you fear. I do not fear it: I have been there.
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I hurl my heart to halt his pace.
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