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They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Funny
Microwave
Right
Microwaves
Oven
Ovens
Metal
Metals
Supposed
More quotes by Steven Wright
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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