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They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Supposed
Humor
Funny
Microwave
Right
Microwaves
Oven
Ovens
Metal
Metals
More quotes by Steven Wright
I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
Steven Wright
When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
Steven Wright
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Steven Wright
Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
Steven Wright
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
Steven Wright
I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
Steven Wright
Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
Steven Wright
My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Steven Wright
I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
Steven Wright
I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
Steven Wright
I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
Steven Wright
