Quote

People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
People
Ears
Behinds
Sideburns
Friend
Braces
Behind
Wears
Humor
George
Funny
Teeth
Think
Weird
Thinking
False

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
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Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
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