Quote

People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Teeth
Think
Weird
Thinking
False
People
Ears
Behinds
Sideburns
Friend
Braces
Behind
Wears
Humor
George

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
Day One: Still tired from the move.
Steven Wright
Image
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
Steven Wright
Image
I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
Steven Wright
Image
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Steven Wright
Image
They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
Steven Wright
Image
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Steven Wright
Image
If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
Steven Wright
Image
In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
Steven Wright
Image
I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
Steven Wright
Image
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Steven Wright
Image
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Steven Wright
Image
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Steven Wright
Image
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
Steven Wright
Image
Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright
Image
Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
Steven Wright
Image
I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
Steven Wright
Image
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
Image
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Steven Wright
Image
I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
Steven Wright
Image
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
Steven Wright