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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Wearing
Grass
Looked
Saws
Furry
Humor
Coat
Funny
Coats
Made
Vegetarian
Closer
More quotes by Steven Wright
It's a fine night to have an evening.
Steven Wright
Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright
My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
Steven Wright
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Steven Wright
I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
Steven Wright
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Steven Wright
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Steven Wright
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Steven Wright
I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
Steven Wright
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
Steven Wright
One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
Steven Wright
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
Steven Wright
I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
Steven Wright
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Steven Wright
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Steven Wright
Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
Steven Wright
I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
Steven Wright
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright
I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
Steven Wright
I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
Steven Wright
