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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Coats
Funny
Vegetarian
Made
Closer
Wearing
Grass
Looked
Furry
Saws
Coat
Humor
More quotes by Steven Wright
Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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I washed mud off of mud.
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I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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