Quote

I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Wearing
Grass
Looked
Saws
Furry
Humor
Coat
Funny
Coats
Made
Vegetarian
Closer

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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
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They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
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