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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Left
Next
Lighthouse
Night
Forgot
Rise
Sun
Wouldn
Humor
Funny

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
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So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Steven Wright