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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Wouldn
Humor
Funny
Left
Next
Lighthouse
Night
Forgot
Rise
Sun

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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
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