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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Next
Lighthouse
Night
Forgot
Rise
Sun
Wouldn
Humor
Funny
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More quotes by Steven Wright

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Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
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I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
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One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Steven Wright