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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Night
Forgot
Rise
Sun
Wouldn
Humor
Funny
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Lighthouse
More quotes by Steven Wright
The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
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I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
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The sky already fell. Now what?
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
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