Quote

I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Food
Funny
Fired
Jobs
Store
Used
Stores
Work
Straight
Drinking
Health
Humor

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
Steven Wright
Image
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Steven Wright
Image
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Steven Wright
Image
It's a fine night to have an evening.
Steven Wright
Image
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
Steven Wright
Image
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Steven Wright
Image
I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
Steven Wright
Image
You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
Steven Wright
Image
They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
Steven Wright
Image
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
Steven Wright
Image
Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
Steven Wright
Image
I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
Steven Wright
Image
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
Image
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
Image
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
Image
At one point he decided enough was enough.
Steven Wright
Image
Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
Steven Wright
Image
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
Steven Wright
Image
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Steven Wright
Image
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Steven Wright