Quote

I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Work
Straight
Drinking
Health
Humor
Food
Funny
Fired
Jobs
Store
Used
Stores

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
Steven Wright
Image
The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Steven Wright
Image
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
Steven Wright
Image
I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
Steven Wright
Image
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
Image
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
Steven Wright
Image
Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
Steven Wright
Image
Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright
Image
If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
Steven Wright
Image
Do fish get cramps after eating?
Steven Wright
Image
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
Steven Wright
Image
The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright
Image
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
Image
I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
Steven Wright
Image
Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
Image
There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
Steven Wright
Image
Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
Steven Wright
Image
Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
Steven Wright
Image
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven Wright
Image
I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
Steven Wright