Quote

I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Work
Straight
Drinking
Health
Humor
Food
Funny
Fired
Jobs
Store
Used
Stores

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Steven Wright
Image
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Steven Wright
Image
I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
Steven Wright
Image
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
Image
I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
Steven Wright
Image
I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
Steven Wright
Image
I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.
Steven Wright
Image
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
Steven Wright
Image
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright
Image
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
Image
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Steven Wright
Image
Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright
Image
When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
Steven Wright
Image
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Steven Wright
Image
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Steven Wright
Image
I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
Steven Wright
Image
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
Steven Wright
Image
A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
Steven Wright
Image
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
Steven Wright
Image
I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
Steven Wright